


like the holding of hands, like the breaking of glass

by sowish



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: F/F, also there's angst !, and hyunjin is cupid, and if 2jin are slightly ooc look the other way, another episode in which i try to be funny, blame it on celestial disbalance, btw there's some chuulip but nothing big, but a lovable little shit, gay yearning tm sign, greek myth: the remix, heejin is in love with her best friend, heejin. . . . .. she justs wants to be loved back :(, hyunjin's a bit of a little shit, smooshed some fake dating in here like the big brained genius i sometimes am, so pls don't come for me for rearranging things to make my plot work, teen and up just bc of language and mentions of casual social drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:48:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25418731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sowish/pseuds/sowish
Summary: heejin thought she'd just silently yearn for her best friend until she got over her. that is, until cupid winds up in her bed offering to help her.except, heejin never counted on falling in love with cupid.
Relationships: Jeon Heejin/Kim Hyunjin
Comments: 40
Kudos: 242





	like the holding of hands, like the breaking of glass

**Author's Note:**

> i disappeared for a bit bc i decided to stan dreamcatcher and lost myself in hyperfixation but im back again! i've always wanted to write something like this. title comes from hozier's wasteland baby. for some reason, i pictured this taking place in a city like new york city but i suppose there's nothing specific about the setting other than "city." 
> 
> hope you enjoy :D

Blearily blinking her eyes open, Heejin rustles awake at the sound of a jackhammer drilling away. Mentally berating herself for forgetting to close her window the night before, she groans into her pillow and buries her face into the softness of it, desperately trying to muffle the noise that has been waking her up from her peaceful sleep for the past week. If it’s not her alarm waking her up for work, it’s the construction that has been banging outside of her window for the past month.

“Good morning, sunshine!”

Freezing at the intrusion of sound, Heejin’s blood runs cold. Whipping her head to the other side of her bed, Heejin scrambles to get out of it, tripping on her bedsheets and sprawling across the floor at the sight in front of her.

“Oof, I didn’t realize I was _that_ ugly.”

Backing against her wall and wielding the Hydro Flask on her bedside table as a weapon, Heejin rubs her eyes, hoping that this is some crazy illusion. Or that she was still happily slumbering in her dreamworld, “What- who- how did-”

(If Heejin recalls correctly, she went out with Jiwoo and Jungeun the night before, had a couple drinks, and safely walked home with her friends. It was just the two of them waving goodbye to her as she fumbled her way inside her apartment and she most definitely _did not_ take a random girl home with her. Yet somehow, right in her bed, was a ~~beautiful~~ stranger leisurely relaxing with her arms propping her head).

“You act as if you’ve never woken up beside a stranger before.”

Heejin, almost scandalized, sputters a response, “I’ve- I’ve never woken up beside a stranger before!”

The girl hums and picks at her nails.

“Who are you and how did you get here?”

The girl stretches, similarly to that of an unbothered cat, before getting out of Heejin’s bed.

“Remember the coin you threw into that fountain while you were at Jeju? Seems like you caught Iris’ interest because I’m here for you, Human.” Brushing off her clothes and carefully rearranging the tendrils of her side bangs, the girl doesn’t appear to care that Heejin’s face seems to be perpetually stuck on outrageous shock and disbelief, “My mother calls me Hyunjin but people like you know me as Cupid.”

Shaking her head profusely, Heejin can only bellow a laugh. There was no fucking way this was real. 

No. Fucking. Way.

“Haha, very funny, Hyunjin. If that even is your name. Get out of my apartment before I call the cops on you.”

The girl, Hyunjin apparently, raises her hands in surrender before backing off, “I’m only here to help you with your absolutely hopeless crush on your best friend. Jiwoo, was it? But, if you insist, I don’t want to waste any more time here. I have other people to help.”

Just as Hyunjin is about to leave, Heejin’s voice stops her, “How do you know about Jiwoo?”

Hyunjin sighs and rolls her eyes. (She always hated this part—the interrogation and the repeating). 

“I told you. Iris told me about your predicament and here I am.”

There is a slight silence that follows, “Why aren’t you, like, tiny? And in a diaper? And have wings?”

(If there was one thing Hyunjin hated more, it was the ridiculous image of Cupid that humans had of her. Trust old white men to ruin everything).

“I’m a grown woman, Heejin. The last time I was tiny, I was a baby. And the last time I wore a diaper, I was two. I know my skin is beautiful and I have more wrinkles in my clothes than I do on my face, but immortality is such a thing that exists in my world.”

Heejin only nods before fiddling with the handle of her water bottle, “And your wings?”

Dismissively waving a hand before pushing Heejin’s door open and waltzing into the girl’s kitchen and rifling through her pantry, Hyunjin’s voice is muffled as she peeks at a bag of chips, “Not needed now. Also, this is expired.”

Snatching the snack out of her hands and stuffing it back into her pantry and closing it resolutely, Heejin squints her eyes at the goddess in front of her inquisitively. 

“So, how are you supposed to help me?”

Looking through the girl’s fridge now, Hyunjin frowns, “You should really go grocery shopping. There’s no way you’re surviving solely off of avocados and a singular apple.”

Heejin groans. Ever since the deity arrived, it’s as if Heejin had to work for the answers she so desperately needs, “What about your arrows? Where are they? Can’t you just, shoot Jiwoo in the heart and get her to fall in love with me?”

Taking the last apple out of her fridge and biting into it, Hyunjin is overjoyed to find that it’s crisp and sweet—she has always loved the refreshing sensation of enjoying the fruit.

Nonchalant and unbothered with answering, Hyunjin happily hums into her bite, “I could. But, I’m not about that life anymore.” Finishing up her bite and sparing a glance at the girl looking at her incredulously, Hyunjin sighs, “Think of this as _OkCupid_ but in real life. And better. I need to learn more about you. I need to learn more about Jiwoo. We’ll go from there.”

Heejin wants to laugh at the absurdity. As if _OkCupid_ isn’t already a very real and accountable resource for dating. If anything, Heejin would think that Cupid herself would be a fantasy.

Hoisting herself up on Heejin’s kitchen counter and vanishing the finished apple core from existence, Heejin can barely stop herself from gasping. The deity, closing her eyes and basking in the warm glow of the rising sun filtering in through the windows, peaks an eye at her, “Don’t you have to get ready for work, Heejin?”

Flicking her eyes to the clock on her oven, Heejin scrambles to her room to get ready because, _holy shit_ , she is going to be late if she doesn’t get out of her place in the next fifteen minutes and she _really_ doesn’t want to deal with her uptight boss lecturing her on punctuality.

(Sighing sadly while shrugging on her jacket and stepping out, she was really looking forward to having some avocado toast for breakfast but, Heejin supposes, it’s not every day Cupid ends up in her bed).

~

Barely getting to work in time and rushing to her desk after clocking in, Heejin huffs in her seat while catching her breath.

Popping her head to the side like she’s the fucking sun welcoming a new day, Jiwoo smiles that warm smile that Heejin loves, “Late morning, Heej?”

Nodding because it’s not like she could possibly explain her morning to any other human being without them looking at her like she has two heads, Heejin only whines, “I woke up late and didn’t get to have breakfast.”

Cooing at the pout on her friend’s lips, Jiwoo disappears and reappears with a muffin in her hands. “Jungeun packed this for me as a snack but I’m not really feeling hungry right now.” Before Heejin can refuse, the girl is placing the bread in her hands and returning to her work.

Fondly smiling at the kindness extended to her, Heejin startles when she hears Hyunjin beside her. “Are you gonna eat that? You’ve been staring at it for the past five minutes.” Pulling the muffin away from Hyunjin’s greedy gaze, Heejin can’t help how possessive she sounds.

“Jiwoo gave it to me. It’s mine! And what are you doing here?” Hyunjin only quirks an eyebrow at her before taking one of the pens in her cupholder and balancing it on her philtrum, pouting when it rolls off and falls to the floor.

Appearing again and picking the pen up from the floor, Jiwoo’s curious eyes scan Heejin’s work area, “Who are you talking to? Also, you dropped this.”

Quickly flicking her eyes between Hyunjin and Jiwoo who are not even a foot apart from each other, Hyunjin survey’s Jiwoo’s face before looking at Heejin with impressed eyes, “She’s cute. You’ve got good taste.”

Sputtering a bit and not knowing how to respond, Hyunjin takes mercy on the other girl, and gently pats the top of Jiwoo’s head, “Right now, the only person who can see or hear me is you.”

Taking the pen that Jiwoo holds out to her, Heejin only fakes a laugh before rubbing the back of her neck, “Oh! Just, no one. You know me. I like talking to myself.”

Accepting her answer and turning back to her work, Heejin can feel how her cheeks burn red.

Angrily whispering at the girl who is now writing on her post-it notes, Heejin tries to keep her voice as quiet as possible, “What are you doing here, Hyunjin?”

Happy with the bunny and penguin doodle she finishes, Hyunjin only pastes the note on Heejin’s computer, “Like I said, I have to learn more about you and Jiwoo. I’m doing my job like you should be doing yours, Heejin.”

Ripping the note off and scoffing at the obnoxious heart enveloping the two animals, Heejin stuffs it into one of the drawers at her desk before glaring at the deity, “Don’t distract me then.”

Hyunjin only pokes at her nose before smiling cheekily, “No promises!”

Huffing and doing her best to ignore the girl making a mess of her desk, Heejin has to smack Hyunjin’s hand away a handful of times before the deity disappears. (But only to reappear with a pastry and a cup of coffee in her hands. Heejin doesn’t want to ask where or how she got the items—doesn’t even want to know. It’s getting easier for Heejin to understand that the less she knows, the better). 

Finally finishing with work and hopping on the subway that’ll take her to the grocery store by her place, Heejin quickly learns to keep an eye on Hyunjin, the girl walking around with a half-eaten peach and an open bag of candy in her hands.

“You can’t just eat before buying!”

Hyunjin shrugs before taking a big bite of the fruit, “Stealing can be fun. And plus, I don’t carry money. I’m a god. I don’t need money.”

Heejin rolls her eyes, “If you’re appearing like a human and eating food without buying things, people are going to accuse you of stealing. You need money if you’re going to fit in.”

Shrugging again, Hyunjin tosses a gummy bear into her mouth, “I don’t need to fit in. I have contingency plans.”

(Contingency plans also stands for “Haseul owing me a favor and promising to charmspeak me out of trouble when I need her to.”)

Heejin only shuts her eyes and takes in a deep breath before making a silent plea, “God (or was it gods?), give me the patience to deal with Cupid.”

Heejin doesn’t quite know how Hyunjin bugging her incessantly for hours is helping her learn about her but it seems like Hyunjin is happy to spend her time bringing every little inconvenience possible into her life. From taking the only seat left in the subway and forcing her to clutch onto the metal bar to eating a third of the dinner Heejin makes for herself, Hyunjin is content to lazily lay on her couch and channel surf while Heejin busily gets ready for bed.

Getting out of the shower with a face mask on, Heejin yelps when she finds Hyunjin in her bed with her beloved guitar in her arms. “You know how to play?”

Masterfully gliding through chords and piecing together a beautiful melody, Hyunjin’s voice comes out like a harmony, “Apollo begged to fall out of love with Daphne and I made him teach me guitar before shooting him with my arrow.”

Sitting on the other side of her bed and appreciating the way Hyunjin plays, Heejin has to fight the closing of her eyes, “You can make people fall out of love?”

Finishing up a riff and settling on playing another, Hyunjin barely even has to look at the fretboard, “I have two types of arrows. One with a golden head and the other lead. Golden heads will get people to fall in love, lead ones will make someone fall out of love. Apollo was sick of loving someone who could never love him back and begged for mercy.” Humming to herself, Hyunjin adds an afterthought, a smirk playing on her lips, “It doesn’t help that the person of his affections got turned into a tree to show just how little she cared for his love.” Finishing up her melody, Hyunjin mumbles to herself, “Serves him right—to think heartbreak couldn’t hurt.” 

(It’s the first time Hyunjin loses the playful air around her, her eyes no longer shining with mirth. Just as brief as Hyunjin’s show of vulnerability is, a smirk is back on her lips, her eyes just as mischievous as usual).

Placing the guitar back on its stand and throwing a peace sign up, Hyunjin disappears with a quick and breezy, “Smell you later, Jeon Heejin!”

~

Come morning, it's not the faithful jackhammer that wakes her up or the ringing of her alarm. It is the heavy flick on her forehead startling her awake. In front of her, Hyunjin is sitting on her floor with a shit-eating grin on her face (her eyes even fucking twinkle but that just might be the sun glowing around her like a shroud). “Rise and shine, Sleeping Beauty!”

Blearily blinking and blindly patting around for her phone, Heejin groans at the time.

“It’s four in the morning. I don’t need to be up until seven, Hyunjin.”

The deity only ruffles her hair before jumping onto her bed, “Don’t be so grumpy! Love waits for no one; I need to do my job.”

Heejin only places a pillow on top of her head and groans when Hyunjin rips it away from her. (If Heejin weren’t so sleepy and grumpy, she would definitely pay mind to how the deity is straddling her hips). Glaring at the girl cheekily smiling at her, Heejin rubs her face in her hands, “Are you sure you’re Cupid? You’ve been nothing but a gremlin to me.”

The cheerful smile painting Hyunjin’s lips does not seem to match the fire Hyunjin puts into the hits with the pillow against Heejin’s head, “Don’t be ridiculous, Heejin! I am Cupid and I’ll prove it in due time, you fickle human being!”

Rolling over and forcing Hyunjin off of her, Heejin doesn’t have the sense in her to stop herself from getting into Hyunjin’s face and scowling at her, her nose bumping into the other girl’s, “Do not wake me up at 4 AM and expect me to be able to function. Good night, Hyunjin.”

Going back to her side and snuggling into her blankets, Heejin almost falls back asleep until the other girl’s voice disrupts her. Wrinkling her nose, Hyunjin frowns, “Your morning breath is not pleasant.”

A resounding smack echoes the room, Hyunjin’s pained yelp following.

“Let me fucking sleep, Hyunjin.”

Relaxing into the pillows behind her and resting her hands on her stomach, Hyunjin only lets out a low whistle silently noting to herself, _“Sleepy Heejin is not a Happy Heejin.”_

Two hours later, Heejin wakes to the sound of jackhammers. Again. Before she can even complain, the weight beside her disappears, the sound of Hyunjin’s feet padding across her floor stopping the begrudging whines bubbling up her throat. The next thing Heejin hears is the closing of her window and the jackhammers’ drilling is dulled into a muffled hum. The other side of the bed dips once more before silence invites her back to sleep.

(Maybe Hyunjin wasn’t _all_ that annoying).

Waking up to the sound of her alarm’s ringing, Heejin throws an arm behind her only to find the other side of her bed cold. Frowning at the emptiness, Heejin is slipping on her glasses and dragging her feet out her door. In the kitchen, Hyunjin is wearing an apron Heejin didn’t know she had (but really, she’d never own a Kiss the Chef apron—or own an apron in general; she was quite the atrocious mess when it came to cooking).

Placing a plate of omurice in front of her, Hyunjin’s grin is big. (Heejin is reluctant to admit that it’s a charming grin but that’s beside the point). 

“Breakfast is served!” Pausing briefly and furrowing her eyebrows, Hyunjin places a finger on her chin. “I don’t know whether I should call you Sleepy or Grumpy. You’re bo-”

Before tucking into her appetizing meal, Heejin grumbles, “Stop naming me after dwarves. And thank you.”

Hyunjin only pats her head before taking an apple out of Heejin’s fridge and biting into it.

Eating her first bite of breakfast, Heejin can’t help the happy exclamation humming from the back of her throat, “This is delicious, oh my God, Hyunjin!”

Hyunjin proudly smirks before flipping her hair. (It’s not like it took her five cartons of eggs and more trials than she’d be willing to admit perfecting the dish).

“When’s the next time you’re hanging out with Jiwoo?”

Heejin shrugs and vocalizes a sound resembling that of “I don’t know.”

Taking a spoon from one of the kitchen drawers and stealing a bite from Heejin’s dish after taking a seat beside her, Hyunjin can’t help but to find herself surprised at how well her cooking turned out, a pleasantly shocked “hmm” spilling from her lips.

(Heejin bats her hand away when Hyunjin goes for a second bite and pulls the plate closer to her).

“Well, make plans with her as soon as you can. I’m getting restless just watching you blush and panic around her. How she doesn’t know you’re in love with her is beyond me. You’re as obvious as a blinking billboard. You might as well just write _Jiwoo, I’m in love with you!_ on your forehead.”

Guffawing and smacking the deity’s shoulder Heejin whines, “I can’t help it! She makes me so nervous!”

After finishing another bite, Heejin pokes the girl’s cheek to get her attention, “Am I really that obvious?”

Gently redirecting Heejin’s face back to her food by grabbing her chin between her pointer finger and thumb, Hyunjin rolls her eyes, “Just focus on eating, lovebird. You still have to get ready for work.”

(Hyunjin doesn’t know how Heejin is the human embodiment of the pouting puppy dog eyes emoji but if Heejin looked at her like that and asked her for a favor, Hyunjin might not even have to consider before bending at her will).

As it goes, Heejin gets to work with time to spare, a cup of Americano, and a blueberry muffin in her hands. When Jiwoo greets her (and it feels like the comforting warmth of the sun when she smiles at her), Heejin is a shy and blushing pink mess handing the cake to her. Jiwoo tries to resist the offering, in which Hyunjin’s eyes light up at the thought of an abandoned muffin, but Heejin pushes the food back into Jiwoo’s hands with a happy, crescent-eyed smile. During their lunch break, Hyunjin has to pinch Heejin’s stomach to remind her about making plans with Jiwoo. (When Hyunjin pinched her, Heejin yelped and blamed it on the annoying fly that’s been buzzing around her and supposes that Hyunjin wasn’t too far off from it anyway).

(It’s not a big deal, really. Jiwoo and Heejin go out all the time but after finalizing their plans, Jiwoo exclaims, “It’s a date!” and it’s enough for Heejin to choke on her spit and stumble on her feet. It really shouldn’t affect her because Jiwoo likes making dates out of everything—shopping dates, grocery shopping dates, spa dates—but it still does. Even if Jiwoo calls Heejin her “bestie” every time she sees her).

Later at Heejin’s home, the girl is pacing back and forth in her room, her mind going a mile a minute trying to think of what to do on Friday night, “I don’t know what to do! Oh God, I don't want her to be bored or have a bad time!” Following her with her eyes, Hyunjin thinks she would have become dizzy had she not been in worse situations. (Worse situations like plummeting into a barrel roll and just barely elongating her wings before soaring into a flock of birds because Sooyoung challenged her to—and Hyunjin was never one to refuse a challenge). 

“What do you usually do when you go out with her?”

Counting on her fingers and turning sharply back into the same direction she came from as she rambles under her breath, “Sometimes we watch movies, sometimes we drink, sometimes have dinner, sometimes we-”

Having enough of watching Heejin’s down spiral and pushing her to sit at the couch, Hyunjin squishes her cheeks in the palms of her hands, “You need to get it together, Heejin! This isn’t even a real date and you’re freaking out! Just have a quick dinner and go to a karaoke bar or something. It’s fun and casual and to be honest, I don’t want to see you panicking like this in a fancy restaurant. I can’t deal with secondhand embarrassment well.”

Heejin scoffs. It’s not like Hyunjin didn’t steal from the bakery they went to this morning or barked at every dog she saw—she is the definition of shameless.

“Why don’t you get her flowers? See how she reacts?”

At first Heejin balks before beaming in glee after thinking Hyunjin’s suggesting over. Squishing the god’s cheeks the same way she did with her, she coos at the sight, “You’re a genius! I could just kiss you!”

(Heejin feels her cheeks warm at her lack of filter but ignores it).

Hyunjin pushes her away by pushing at her forehead with a finger and a grimace. “I’m Cupid; I know my stuff. And I’d rather you not. Just get the girl, Heejin.”

~.~.~

After rushing home from work on Friday and frantically looking through her closet, Heejin’s room looks as if a tornado flew by. Various clothes are on the floor and Hyunjin’s pretty sure that’s a bra on her lampshade. Sitting on the girl’s bed and watching how the streetlights outside of Heejin’s door flicker between colors, Hyunjin counts five rotations until Heejin comes out of her bathroom, fully changed.

“How do I look?”

Looking uninterestedly at her, Hyunjin runs her eyes up and down twice before she throws a thumbs up. Huffing, Heejin nudges at the girl’s legs with her foot and even pouts, “Hyunjin! I need more than that!” 

Running a hand through her hair and doing everything she can to stop her eyes from rolling, Hyunjin forgot just how much humans needed validation before stepping out into the world. “Heejin, you’re already a pretty person; it doesn’t take a lot for you to look good.”

Heejin only pouts harder and whines.

Audibly sighing and being unable to hold back her exasperation, Hyunjin takes the restless hands picking at the loose strings in the holes of her jeans and it’s enough for Heejin to stop whining, “You look beautiful. Jiwoo would be a fool if she didn’t see that.”

It’s enough for Heejin to settle and sit on the bed, her mind doing what it does best when it comes to Jiwoo—overthink. Knocking her knees against Hyunjin’s and getting her attention, Heejin mumbles a shy “thank you” before her phone buzzes in her pocket. 

**_Jiuwu :3_ ** _do you mind if jungie comes along? she’s been stressed at work and a night out would be great for her ʕ•́ᴥ•̀ʔっ❀❀_

Heejin has never been great at refusing anything when it came to the girl. Begrudgingly replying and trying not to sound disappointed in her text, Heejin flops onto her bed after sending the text. (Looking at the bouquet of flowers sitting in a vase on her kitchen table, Heejin sighs. She was really hoping that it’d be just the two of them alone but figures that the bouquet she got for Jiwoo is enough to be split into two, not wanting to be rude and single Jungeun out).

**_Heejinnie (⁎˃ᆺ˂)_ ** _ofc she can come! the more the merry!_

Seeing the text before Heejin flopped on her bed, Hyunjin let out a quiet hum, an eyebrow quirked.

Remembering that Heejin had a tendency to be on the more sensitive side, Hyunjin caters to the girl’s emotions and gently asks, “What happened?”

Heejin flips her phone over and stares blankly at her ceiling, “Jungeun is coming. I really wanted it to be us two, but I guess not.”

Catching the streetlight outside of Heejin’s window flickering to green, an idea strikes her, “If Jungeun is coming, why don’t I come with you? Introduce me to them as your friend, say that you met me during one of your commutes to work, and I’ll be able to get a better grasp on everything going on and I’ll be on your side to help you if you need me to.”

Messing with her belt buckle and seeming hesitant, Heejin mulls the thought over, “I’m not good at lying though. Especially to Jiwoo.”

Tired of seeing the disappointment ruining the buzzing excitement Heejin had thirty minutes ago, Hyunjin pulls the girl up by her hands and puts her hands on her shoulders in an effort to get Heejin’s full attention, “Lie about how you met me and I’ll take care of the rest. Don’t worry, Heejin. Things aren’t going the way you planned but that doesn’t mean everything is doomed. Just trust in me and everything will be okay.”

Heejin doesn’t know if it’s comfort or persuasion that she’s feeling but she feels herself nodding to Hyunjin and begins to prepare herself for the night.

**_Heejinnie (⁎˃ᆺ˂)_ ** _hey do you mind if a friend of mine comes along too? you haven’t met her yet but i’ve been wanting to introduce you to her!_

**_Jiuwu :3_ ** _heejin making friends outside of jungie and i? we would love to meet her ᕙ(^▿^-ᕙ)_

(When Heejin handed Jiwoo and Jungeun their respective bundles of flowers, Jungeun’s cheeks dust a light pink while Jiwoo squeaks an excited yelp before kissing Heejin’s cheeks in thanks. It makes the already racing heart inside Heejin palpitate at a tireless rate—feels like it takes laps around Heejin’s chest like a giddy child walking into a candy store).

Hyunjin is too good at lying; it’s almost scary. With every question Jiwoo and Jungeun throw at her, she breezily answers while being completely convincing. In fact, she fits in like a puzzle piece between the three of them. (Heejin only gets to know this when she comes back to her table after using the bathroom and Hyunjin is teaching her friends how to beatbox. It doesn’t sound much like anything but weird breathing, but her friends are impressed nonetheless and take learning her expertise with stride).

Walking to the karaoke bar, Hyunjin does Heejin a favor and snakes Jungeun away from Jiwoo’s arm and picks up their pace, challenging the girl to not step on any cracks on the sidewalk. Naturally catching up to Jiwoo, Heejin subconsciously props her arm out for Jiwoo to slink her arm through.

“You look beautiful tonight!”

Stealing a glance, Heejin’s heart stutters in her chest at the warm smile on Jiwoo’s lips, stumbles when she presses a quick peck on her cheeks. Ignoring the pounding of her heart and the butterflies in her stomach, Heejin is quick to repay the compliment and do the same. Jiwoo only giggles and smooshes their cheeks together cheerfully.

“Hyunjin’s really cool! I’m glad you guys are friends! Maybe we could do these double dates more!”

Numbly nodding along and doing her best to process her words with the bundle of nerves bubbling in her stomach, Heejin can only focus on how Jiwoo tugs her closer and fully wraps her arms around her to stave away the cold biting at her cheeks.

Getting to the bar and cozying up at a table, Heejin almost wonders how Hyunjin was able to fool the bouncer into getting in because it’s not like gods carried ID cards with them. Heejin is reminded that it’s better to not ask or wonder when Hyunjin comes back with a round of drinks that Heejin doesn’t know how she paid for.

Placing her drink in front of Heejin, Hyunjin leans in to whisper into her ear, the music being too loud for Hyunjin to simply talk quietly to her, “Drink up, lovebird. There’s extra encouragement in this for you. And knowing you, you’re gonna need it.”

(Heejin pushes her away with a groan but still gulps half of the drink down, grimacing when the bitter alcohol coats her tongue).

“This is fucking nasty. What the hell is this?”

Hyunjin only smirks before motioning for her to drink more, “Doesn’t matter. It’s enough for you to get over your nerves.”

Heejin only looks at her warily before the god sighs, “Don’t worry, I’m not drinking. I’ll take care of you when you need me to.”

Picking up the glass again, Heejin continues to stare at her as she finishes another quarter.

Noticing Heejin, Jiwoo only whoops and bumps into Jungeun’s shoulder, “Bottoms up, Jungie!” (Jiwoo proceeds to take the shot with zero hesitation while Jungeun only sips at her soju).

“I’ll eventually have to take care of your drunk ass and two drunk asses can’t take care of each other in a busy city, Jiwooming.”

She pouts before turning her shot glass over and pushing Jungeun’s closer to her, “You’re the one who’s been dealing with horrible bosses. I’ll take care of you tonight, Jungie.”

Unable to stop the grateful smile growing on her lips, it’s fond and sweet, her eyes softening at the stubborn resolve showing in the other girl’s eyes.

Jungeun’s gaze and smile, it’s loving. And Jiwoo only beams back the same affection. Looking between the two, Hyunjin’s eyebrows raise before she looks back at Heejin flipping through the song manual.

Falling back into her seat and letting out a quick exhale, Hyunjin wonders why she ever took the case Iris laid out for her—it’s so much more than the tireless yearning that she signed up for. How is she going to get someone who is already in love with her best friend to fall for the other? It was times like this that Hyunjin wished she didn’t have to be so strict with herself. It’d be so easy to just shoot Jiwoo with a golden arrow and watch her fall in love with Heejin without so much as lifting a finger after doing so, but here she was, tasking herself to this messy situation.

(Hyunjin supposes it’s too much of a risk to be as reckless as she used to be. As much as Hyunjin loved a challenge, this one was going to be her undoing).

As the night unfolds, Heejin has sung a total of three songs to Jiwoo who is innocently unsuspecting of what the girl feels, eager to sing a duet with the drunk girl beside her. And as Hyunjin observes the three, she comes to pity the obliviousness sheltering Heejin’s eyes from reality. 

The next morning, Heejin is slowly eating a piece of toast and resting her forehead in the palm of her hands, “Did I do anything stupid? Or embarrassing?”

Finishing the apple in her hands and vanishing it the way she does with all the other apple cores, Hyunjin shrugs.

“Not really. Other than your voice cracking a couple of times during _Tears_ and using songs to confess to Jiwoo, it could’ve been worse.”

Heejin only groans, “How could have it been worse?”

Slumping into the chair across from Heejin, Hyunjin hums in thought, “She could’ve taken your completely obvious hints.”

Slowly blinking her eyes, Heejin pouts, “Isn’t that what we want her to do?”

The god only scratches her head and grimaces lightly, “Not exactly. Things are going a little sideways and I’m thinking of ways to get you back on track.”

Looking like she’s two seconds from face planting into her eggs, Hyunjin is ushering her off for a shower, “I need you to hear this when you’re more coherent and put together. Rest some more, Heejin.”

Come dinner and Hyunjin is sat with her hands clasped together and preparing for the worst of Heejin’s reactions. Hyunjin does her best to lighten the blow.

“I don’t know how else to tell you this but, Heejin, your best friends are in love with each other.”

First, Heejin’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion before the confusion melted into helpless sadness. Then, her eyes become glassy and lost. And frankly, it’s a sight that Hyunjin doesn’t like to see, makes her feel a twinge of pain for the girl in front of her. Quickly thinking of ways to stop the ache in her chest, Hyunjin wills herself to smile confidently.

(It’s been so long since a human has made her feel something akin to grief and helplessness).

Clapping her hands together and abruptly breaking the solemn environment with brimming enthusiasm, Hyunjin is rounding the table to massage Heejin’s shoulders in an effort to cheer her up.

“All’s not lost! I’m thinking of a plan that could work! I’m Cupid! And it’s not over yet! Don’t lose hope yet, Heejin!”

Resting her head on her forehead and doing her best to keep herself together, Heejin can’t help but to feel grateful for the effort Hyunjin displays for her, knows that the god doesn’t prefer to emotionally exert herself like this.

“What are you thinking then, Hyunjin?”

Hyunjin begins to pace around her kitchen, her mind thinking of a million ways to change the course of the universe, “All we need to do is make her see that you’d be a good girlfriend! Humans like knowing that the people they might fall in love with will take care of them. We just need to show her that you can take care of her!”

“And how do you propose that? Every time I do anything for her, she thanks me for being a good friend.”

Hyunjin pauses in her spot, “We need to change how she thinks of you. Stop her from thinking of you platonically and instead romantically. We need to show her what you can do as a girlfriend.”

Groaning and slumping against her chair, Heejin protests, “I don’t want to pull some random innocent girl into this if that’s what you’re implying. As much as I want Jiwoo, I am not playing with anyone’s feelings.”

Hyunjin only smirks, “Who said she had to be random?”

Not liking the mischievous look in her eyes (because nothing good ever really came of it), Heejin glares at her gingerly, “What are you saying then, Hyunjin?”

Dramatically fixing her hair and straightening out her clothes, Hyunjin only puts her shirt in Heejin’s hand, “Do you know what material this is?”

Used to Hyunjin’s habit of never really answering her questions, Heejin exasperatedly groans out an answer to hopefully get a reply for her own question soon, “I don’t know? Cotton?”

The glimmer in Hyunjin’s eyes seems to sparkle as she grins at the girl in front of her, “Wrong! It’s “Heejin’s girlfriend” material!”

It’s not the first time Hyunjin has effectively shocked Heejin enough that her jaw drops, but it’s certainly enough for Heejin to be completely bewildered, “You’re joking. Right? Please tell me you’re joking.”

The cheshire grin on Hyunjin’s lips doesn’t fade as she squishes Heejin’s cheeks in her fingers, “The only thing I’m joking about is this shirt not being made of cotton, lovebird.”

Slowly processing the situation and working through the befuddlement—because if someone told her that Cupid herself was offering to be her fake girlfriend to get her long-time crush to fall for her, she might’ve asked for whatever they were smoking—Heejin doesn’t have it in her to push Hyunjin’s hands away when she continues to play with her cheeks.

“I told you this yesterday. I can’t lie.”

Hyunjin just playfully pats her cheeks before scooting away to search for snacks in Heejin’s pantry, “We don’t have to lie, not really. If it’s better for you, I’ll be your girlfriend for real and as soon as our plan works, we’ll tragically break up and bam! Jiwoo’s gonna comfort you and fall in love with you.”

Completely opposite to the enthusiasm and confidence spilling like uncontrollable waves from Hyunjin’s presence, Heejin can’t help but to think of everything that could go wrong. Like Jiwoo not seeing that she could be a good girlfriend. Or not caring. Or not changing her mind about their friendship. Or not falling out of love with Jungeun. Or-

“Ow!”

After flicking her forehead, Hyunjin frowns at her, “Stop overthinking! I’m Cupid! This is gonna work, Heejin!”

Doubting the god but still ultimately trusting her, Heejin relents an annoyed, “Fine!” 

(Hyunjin then begins to ramble about the details of their plan and really, Heejin doesn’t know how Hyunjin thought of everything so quickly, down from social media posts to date ideas, but figures that it’s best not to question Cupid. It was always better for her peace of mind to not know because Hyunjin had to be the most ineffable enigma Heejin has ever met).

~.~.~

There isn’t much of a difference between Cupid Hyunjin and Heejin’s Girlfriend Hyunjin. Or at least that’s what Heejin thought until a lunchbox ends up in her bag with a little post-it note on it saying, “Eat well, Heejin <3,” with a doodle of a cat and a heart signing off. 

“Did Hyunjin make that for you?”

Glancing at Jiwoo who peers at her lunchbox with impressed eyes, Heejin stutters a bit through her reply, “I guess she did?”

Slightly startling when Hyunjin’s voice appears beside her, Hyunjin is sitting across from the pair resting her chin in her hands, “Just tell her I sneaked it into your bag on the subway before you had to get off for your stop.”

Doing her best to lie through her teeth, Jiwoo’s eyes glimmer as the sun casts a warm glow against her skin, “That’s so sweet of her!” Heejin just chuckles along and begins eating the food in front of her. (Like always, it’s delicious and mouth-wateringly addictive). Scooting closer to Heejin and talking more quietly, Jiwoo puts a hand on the one that rests on the table, “I think Hyunjin’s into you!”

Almost choking on her bite and poorly concealing her shock, Heejin struggles to swallow her food before replying.

“What makes you say that?”

Her best friend leans back into her chair with a dreamy sigh and lovestruck eyes, “She looks at you like you caught a star for her. And she took such good care of you on Friday without you even needing to ask. And this note, it’s so cute!”

Looking at Hyunjin in panic, Hyunjin only motions her to continue.

“I’ve- I’ve never thought of her in that way.”

Jiwoo just playfully nudges at her shoulder before giggling, “Well you better start! Girls like her are good to date!”

Forcing a laugh and hoping that it doesn’t make Jiwoo suspicious, Heejin shoves another bite into her mouth because this conversation is enough for Heejin to want to never speak again.

Later at night, Heejin is pacing around in her kitchen while Hyunjin stands at the stove in her cheesy, bright yellow Kiss the Chef apron. Hyunjin is the image of a peaceful flower growing in a meadow while Heejin is a restless bee buzzing back and forth.

“I thought we were supposed to show Jiwoo that I was a good girlfriend. Not you!”

Hyunjin just drops a small dollop of gochujang in the pot. “We have to start somewhere. The next time I see Jiwoo, I’m going to sing your praises like I’m Orpheus himself. We can’t just start dating out of nowhere. Trust the process, lovebird.”

Finding a resting place at her countertop and standing beside Hyunjin with her arms crossed, her mind less worried, Heejin sighs, “I know you’re Cupid and all, but are you sure this is going to work?”

Hyunjin offers a small bite for Heejin to sample. (She does, her eyes widening at how good the soup tastes). “I’m confident it’s going to work, Heejin. Stop worrying so much and just go with the flow.”

Most nights, Hyunjin would disappear from her place after having dinner or meandering around to talk with Heejin. But, while getting ready for bed and moisturizing her face, Heejin stops Hyunjin from leaving.

“Would you like to stay the night? I don’t know where you go or what you do when you leave, but you’re welcome to stay. And we can talk or whatever. I just- I want to try. To help. You shouldn’t have to do all the work by yourself.” 

It’s not often that Hyunjin meets a human willing to help. Most just like to give her a hard time about not using her bow and arrow, forsake her and blame her for when the universe refuses to flow in their favor. Finding herself reeling the slightest bit at Heejin’s invitation, Hyunjin stands stumped at her doorway before making stalling steps inside her room, the open blanket that Heejin left for her on the left side of her bed welcoming her inside.

Before Heejin can slump into her bed and rest her head on her heavenly pillows after turning off her light, Hyunjin is leaving her bed to close her windows—a subconscious act.

“I always forget to close that window.”

Hyunjin just cozies up in her bed and nuzzles her nose into Heejin’s pillow, “I know.”

Watching as Heejin lays like a straight log, her hands clasped together on her stomach, Hyunjin can sense the awkwardness radiating from the girl beside her. Starfishing and lightly kicking Heejin’s legs, Hyunjin’s giggle lightens up the air enveloping them, “Loosen up, Heejin! I’ve seen you in your finest hours and you definitely do not sleep like that.” 

Groaning and pushing Hyunjin away (who has purposely scooted her way into Heejin’s space), Heejin can’t help the laughter that bubbles up and spills from her lips, “You’re so annoying, Hyunjin!”

The god only laughs while resituating herself as Heejin’s body comes to relax and melt into her bed. It’s silent for a while, Hyunjin looking at the streetlights glowing behind Heejin’s head and Heejin letting her eyes fall in peaceful rest. It’s just the methodic ticking of her clock until Hyunjin’s voice laces with the ticks like a song, “So, how was work?”

Opening her eyes and finding Hyunjin’s stare trained on her, “What?”

Hyunjin shrugs before looking away, “It just seemed like it was a hard day. You were grumbling to yourself on the subway and in the elevator. You only really do that when a lot is on your mind.”

Surprised that the girl had noticed her habit, Heejin takes a moment to reply, “Uh- I was given a lot of projects to do and not a lot of time to get them done so that’s been bothering me. On top of, you know, this whole Jiwoo thing.”

Hyunjin hums quietly to herself. A hesitant hand reaches out—knowing that people liked having their hair played with because it offered some kind of intimate comfortable security—but pulls back at the thought of interrupting Heejin’s sleep or doing something that she would not be comfortable with. Quietly reassuring her, Hyunjin has to occupy her hands with each other as they itch to comfort the girl in front of her, “It’ll be okay. One thing at a time, one day at a time. It gets overwhelming to think of everything as one big ball.”

Humming at the advice and gradually slipping into the hands of Morpheus, Heejin feels a quiet solace warm through her body like the glow of the sun on a cold day. The last thing she hears is Hyunjin’s voice holding her like a comfortable embrace, “Good night, Heejin.”

~

Buried under her projects, Heejin feels like her brain just might explode if she has to listen to another demo or track. Heejin loves her job, don’t get her wrong. She loves music and being a part of the effort behind a grand show, loves knowing that she is a dependable person for others to rely on. Even if the work is hard and the hours can be long, she enjoys the behind the scenes of it all.

Desperately needing the reprieve of the weekend to give her a much-needed break, the feeling of the sun on her back and the crisp winter air feels like popping up for a breath after suffocating. Ahead of her at the bench she sat at, Hyunjin is on the basketball court playing around with a stray ball that she found. Shot after shot, the ball sinks into the net with a silky smoothness, her aim absolutely perfect. She makes it look so easy (but Heejin knows that if she tried, she'd be a greater risk of hitting herself in the head than making a shot). When Hyunjin jogs back to her after having enough, she slides beside her with a relaxed grin.

“You’re really good.”

Hyunjin’s lips form that confident smirk that Heejin has come to like, “Being Cupid kinda requires good aim. Can’t afford missing, can I?”

Heejin cups her hands and blows into them, her fingers starting to turn cold from the air, “Have you ever?”

Hyunjin sighs, the brightness in her eyes dimming the slightest bit, “No. But sometimes I wish I did.” Wanting to ask for more, it’s rare that Hyunjin opens up so quickly to Heejin. Often, it’s always a sort of game of push and pull when it comes to Hyunjin. She always likes answering in round-about or completely unrelated ways, or even not at all. She likes making Heejin work for the answers, mostly because her patience is infinite and Heejin is naturally willing to deal with her being difficult—it makes Hyunjin’s job more fun and after centuries of the same thing over and over again, a little bit of fun keeps her going. (Hyunjin won’t admit it but Heejin’s the most pleasant human she’s had to help in decades—it doesn’t quite feel like work when it’s Heejin).

Before she can ask more questions, Hyunjin lets her hands fall to her lap, as if to signify the end of the conversation before playfully breathing out into the air and smiling at how her breath comes out like breaths of fire. “When is Jiwoo showing up again? I’m not supposed to be here when you see her.” Wishing that she could have weaseled more information out of Hyunjin, Heejin hoped that there’d be a day where the god would let her walls down long enough for Heejin to set her gaze upon her, to understand her. (Not that Heejin didn’t enjoy Hyunjin’s carefree attitude about life or her weird sense of humor, it’s just that Heejin sees so much more in those eyes than just her playful stare).

Flipping her phone over to check the time, Heejin smiles at the picture Hyunjin set as her lockscreen. (It’s just a zoomed-up picture of Hyunjin—or rather her nostrils and wide-open eyes. Heejin doesn’t know when Hyunjin took the picture and set it as her wallpaper but Heejin doesn’t mind the change because the sight of it makes her laugh).

**_Jiuwu :3_ ** _taking a taxi to you! should be there in 10 ≧◠‿◠≦_

“She sent this a couple of minutes ago, so you have a bit of time to enjoy your freedom.”

Hyunjin laughs, finds that her tangible form is more restraining than anything. If it were up to her, she’d prefer to be invisible to everyone but Heejin but figures that she wouldn’t want people to look at Heejin strangely as she seemingly converses with nothing but air. (It’d also be hard to explain levitating objects and Heejin couldn’t possibly explain that without spewing some jumbled rambling about ghosts or being haunted—either way, it’d be a mess). 

“Hey, wanna see something cool?”

It only takes Heejin nodding for Hyunjin to look around and make sure that no one was looking before becoming invisible to everyone else. Suddenly appearing, her wings gracefully expand from her back, glorious and celestial—it’s a sight that takes Heejin’s breath away. Flying up, Heejin looks up in awe as Hyunjin plays around in the sky by turning and making spontaneous loops, thinks that maybe Hyunjin is freer invisible, that she looks happier goofing around than when she is confined to acting as a regular human being. Content and mesmerized, the sound of Jiwoo’s greeting drags her out of her haze.

“What’s got you smiling so big, Heej?”

Beginning to make her descent, Hyunjin’s wings seem to sparkle in the sunlight and Heejin can’t seem to tear her eyes away. Jiwoo takes the spot that Hyunjin had occupied without Heejin noticing.

“Oh just, Hyunjin.”

As if receiving a little jolt of shock, Jiwoo seems to vibrate with interest, “Changed your mind about her?”

Heejin shrugs, watches as Hyunjin looks at her encouragingly and gives her a thumbs up.

“I don’t think I had to change my mind. I just had to open my eyes, I guess.”

Jiwoo squeals in glee and hugs Heejin tight. Enjoying her warm embrace, Heejin finds her eyes falling to take in the moment, the softness of her skin, the smell of her perfume, the sound of her giggle. Letting go too soon, Heejin has to stop herself from chasing after her friend’s affection.

“Are you going to ask her out?”

“Should I?”

Looking like Heejin had greatly offended her, Jiwoo only slaps the girl’s shoulder, “Are you kidding me? Yes!”

Perching on the arm rest beside Heejin, Hyunjin closes her eyes to enjoy the sun on her skin, “Ask Jiwoo for suggestions. Tell her you want to make a spectacle of asking me out. She seems like she likes grand gestures.” Balling up her hands into fists, Heejin still doesn’t find it easy to wing conversations like this but finds comfort in knowing that Hyunjin could rescue her from whatever mess she could put herself in.

“What should I do? I don’t want to, just, ask her. I want it to be special.”

Jiwoo coos at Heejin and sweetly scratches under her chin in fond affection, “That is so cute, Heejinnie! What does Hyunjin like?”

Without hesitating (or even realizing), Heejin begins to ramble, “She likes casual things. She’s not much for fancy things or formal occasions. She likes goofing off and having fun. She’s weirdly good at, like, everything. It doesn’t take a lot to entertain her and make her happy, but I don’t want to just ask her out over a cup of coffee, you know?”

Thinking harder at what Hyunjin might like, Heejin is unaware of Hyunjin’s stunned gaze and raised eyebrows. She never realized that Heejin had paid that much attention to her because, sure, she keeps copious mental notes on Heejin but that is for the purpose of her job. But Heejin? In her own unsolicited effort, she is attentive and kind without asking for much in demand. Of course, there is the motive in that Hyunjin is supposed to help Jiwoo fall in love with her, but more often than not, Heejin feels genuine and true—like she truly wants and enjoys the god’s presence in her life. 

“Maybe you should cook for her?”

Heejin cringes while Hyunjin grimaces and whistles underneath her breath, “I’ve seen you burn soup. Please don’t cook for me.” Immediately turning down the idea, the sound of a street busker lures her attention. Their song is warm and comforting despite the frigid cold, their voice a dreamy call like that of a siren.

“I could sing for her. Maybe contact one of those little shops that always arranges little shows and ask her there? I’ll tell her the song is for her before going up so that she’ll listen to what I’m singing. It’s not so public that I’ll embarrass her, just enough. It’s better than just asking her over coffee, that’s for sure.”

Unable to keep the flutters in her chest down at the image of Heejin on stage confessing to the girl, Jiwoo beams even more as she tugs her into a hug, “I didn’t know you could be so romantic, Heejin!”

Heejin just shrugs, feels how her cheeks blush as Jiwoo cuddles into her and holds her hands.

Maybe Hyunjin is right. This could work.

~

It’s not hard for Heejin to find a spot that hosts spontaneous singing nights. It’s a comfy little hole in the wall, fairy lights twinkling on the wall, a soft yellow light shrouding the establishment in warm intimacy. Wearing her guitar on the back, as she walks to the front of the door, Jiwoo and Jungeun are huddled together in the cold as she arrives. Grateful for the hug they extend to her despite her clunky case making it awkward, Heejin feels nerves bubbling in her stomach—there’s something nerve wracking about performing in front of an audience and “confessing.”

It took Heejin a week and a half to write a song to suit the occasion. Granted, it’s just another one written for Jiwoo but it’s not like the girl would have any clue. Surprisingly enough, Hyunjin had helped her with a verse while she lounged on her couch as Heejin sat slumped on her kitchen table scribbling into her notebook. Practicing it in front of Hyunjin (relentlessly for days, Heejin is surprised that Hyunjin never once showed exasperation or boredom at her unending rehearsal of the same song over and over again like anyone else would), Heejin only hopes that her performance can go over just as smoothly. 

After Hyunjin shows up, it’s as if the nerves in her stomach climb up to her throat and coat its walls in sticky discomfort. Sitting down at a table and noticing Heejin’s disposition (because when she’s nervous, she’s silent, as Hyunjin noticed while watching Heejin fiddle with her hands before a presentation), she takes a hand tangling and fiddling with the other and runs her thumb over the back of it comfortingly. Looking at Hyunjin, her eyes are warm and soft, soothing and sweet. Smiling gratefully at her for a flash, their moment is ended as Jiwoo calls for Heejin’s attention.

“This place is really nice, Heejinnie!”

With a wave of relief easing a bit of her nerves, Heejin feels her pride bubble at the obvious impression in Jiwoo’s eyes as she gazes around with wonder.

Settling in, Heejin catches the lingering gaze Jungeun leaves on Jiwoo, notices how Jiwoo leans closer to her just the slightest bit, leans her head on her shoulder as she laughs. Jungeun and Jiwoo have always been close, moving to the city together and finding a place right at the heart of it. Heejin doesn’t know if it was her denial or obliviousness that never caught on to how magnetic their connection felt—like they were two magnets clinging together in their polarity, impossible to separate and meant for each other in every varying reality of the universe. Biting back the ache in her chest and doing her best to ignore the nagging voice in the back of her mind, Heejin prepares herself for her performance.

At the end of their dinner, Jungeun stands to take a call, her eyebrows furrowed in concern. (Jiwoo’s bright smile disappears into grim worry as she watches the girl walk out of the building for more privacy). Following her with their eyes as she disappears outside, Heejin doesn’t have time to worry as her time slot arrives.

Walking up to the stage and adjusting her guitar on her lap, Hyunjin’s eyes are glued to her, Jiwoo’s fluttering between her and the door. Feeling the nerves at the tips of fingers and her tongue as she introduces herself, the moment she begins to strum, it’s as if everything fades away, her eyes finding Jiwoo in a sea of patrons.

_You, I dream of being with you_

_Dreams of singing with you_

_The small melody lingers in my ear_

_I just wanna be with you_

Looking between her guitar and Jiwoo, her heart sits in her chest, vulnerable and needy for Jiwoo’s attention as she sings to her. Remembering to look at Hyunjin for the sake of playing along, the heart inside her begins to panic and break at the sight of Jiwoo looking at her phone and quickly leaving the restaurant.

_Only you can make me feel this way baby,_

_Words I want to tell you, don’t ever let me go_

Words of loving and longing fall silent upon the ears Heejin wished would listen the most. It’s devastatingly humiliating thinking about how she has put herself on a stage where anyone could see her heartbreak and yearning, practically offering her heart on a platter for the girl, only for her to walk away. (It’s worse than any rejection, leaving is worse than any discomfort of unrequited love).

Finishing the song with a numb heart and mind and walking lifelessly back to their table, Heejin feels like crying when she looks into Hyunjin’s eyes. Swirling with concern, sympathy, and comfort, it only reminds Heejin of how pathetic she might look in front of her. Spending almost two weeks spilling her heart on paper and dragging Hyunjin into it because she was blindly hopeful in professing what she feels, it’s as if a shameful embarrassment became her only identity to the god.

“Why don’t you pack up and collect yourself in the bathroom? I’ll take care of the check and meet you outside.”

Nodding quietly and letting Hyunjin take care of the situation, Heejin leans her arms on the sink of the bathroom, does her best to keep the annoying tears brimming at her lids to go away. Feeling her phone buzz in her pocket, she can’t help but to scoff at the name that appears.

**_Jiuwu :3_ ** _im sorry i had to leave heejinnie ╥.╥ jungeun had an emergency and needed me. we had to go and get things sorted,,,,i’m so sorry heejin :((_

Doing her best to keep her feeling of anger in check, Heejin replies, some part of her concerned for her other friend.

**_Heejinnie (⁎˃ᆺ˂)_ ** _don’t worry about it! i hope everything is okay, update me if anything happens!!_

Grateful that Jiwoo hadn’t asked for an encore of her performance, Heejin doesn’t know if she could perform that song again, especially to Jiwoo, not when it only reminds her of the disaster it turned out to be. More than anything, Heejin wishes she could rip that song away from existence, if only to take away the stinging abusing her heart. Taking a deep breath and searching for her composure, it takes more effort than Heejin has to appear unfazed. Coming outside and silently walking with Hyunjin to the subway station, it seems as if the other girl is reluctant to say or do anything, scared to even breathe the wrong way should Heejin shatter in fragile and unrecoverable pieces. Without asking, Hyunjin takes the guitar in her hands and shoulders it on her back and gives Heejin the comfort of silence as they walk the trek they’d normally taxi.

Arriving at her apartment and quietly shuffling inside, Hyunjin leaves to unpack Heejin’s guitar and put it back on the stand as the other girl numbly falls into her couch. Sitting beside Heejin after finishing up, Hyunjin feels the familiar desire to comfort Heejin again. Clueless on what to do, Hyunjin can only stare—she’s never seen Heejin so soulless and it makes her wish she knew how to make it better because she hates to see how Heejin’s normally bright eyes are muddled with darkness.

It’s Heejin that breaks the silence, her voice like a rusted knife shifting the air around them, “Is fate real? Soulmates?” 

Hyunjin sighs and lets her head fall back to rest on the couch, “If I told you, Zeus might zap my ass into my next lifetime. There are certain things that we can’t tell humans.”

Heejin laughs but it’s empty and cold. Looking at Heejin, Hyunjin can feel herself start to give in, the sad look in Heejin’s eyes making her want to do anything to make it better.

“One of the first things I learned, people always worry about finding their other half. Like there is a definitive person meant just for them. I’ve seen and lived long enough to know that halves aren’t always what makes wholes. Everything humans search for is fragmented into pieces they’ll never find, places that they might never even go. So, people spend their lives trying to make themselves whole by searching for The One without seeing that there are multiple.”

Looking over with intrigue shining through like a silver lining, Heejin feels comforted by Hyunjin’s presence beside her, her calm and quiet voice.

“So what? We have multiple soulmates?”

Hyunjin hums in agreement, “Humans have such an overwhelming desire to love and be loved. It’s one of the greatest things I’ve ever seen. And such a desire cannot always be chained to one other soul in a lifetime.”

“Are Jungeun and Jiwoo soulmates?”

Hyunjin looks over, an eyebrow raised, “I don’t think you need me to tell you what you already know, Heejin.”

(Of course, Heejin knows. Especially after tonight she knows. And it feels like being repeatedly kicked in the gut, breathless and fruitlessly sucking in air, to think that Jiwoo isn’t meant for her—that not even a single fragment of Heejin could fit into her search for a whole). 

Without even noticing, hot tears fall and stain her cheeks. Needing comfort, Heejin’s body gravitates to Hyunjin’s, her arms catching her as she falls into them and tucks her head into the crook of her neck. The hands that soothe her back and run their fingers through her hair feel like ghosts amidst the wracking sobs of her body. Despite never having Jiwoo, there is a tragic grief in how she cries, her hands fisting Hyunjin’s shirt.

Hyunjin doesn’t know if it’s minutes or hours that pass, just knows that she hates every second that goes by. Heejin is someone who deserved to be happy and loved, that Hyunjin knows like an undeniable fact. Eventually, her sobs ease into silence. Gently pushing Heejin away to wipe at the tears on her cheeks and wiping at the snot that ran with the paper towels Hyunjin flashed into her hands, Heejin laughs shyly, exhaustion in her voice, “I’m sorry for crying on you. And making a mess.” Hyunjin waves her off and vanishes the ball of paper away.

“It’s better to cry than bottle it up. I don’t mind being your glorified napkin.”

Heejin laughs again—a weight on her shoulder disappearing the slightest bit—and feels like she can breathe without gasping for air.

“Go rest; you’ve had quite a day.”

Without thinking too much of it, Heejin kisses Hyunjin’s cheeks before leaving—a sign of gratitude, comfort, and security.

Freezing at the sudden action, Hyunjin blinks twice to bring herself back from her shock.

Despite being drained, both emotionally and physically, Heejin can’t seem to find peace in her sleep, stares at the popcorn ceiling of her room and makes random shapes that her eyes can make out from the glow of the streetlights outside her window.

“You know, if Zeus ends up smiting me for telling you our secrets, I’m blaming you.”

Heejin laughs before hitting Hyunjin’s hand resting in between them. (Her hands don’t leave once they find the warmth that radiates from them).

“I didn’t force you to say anything!”

Hyunjin playfully scoffs. (The hand in between them subconsciously tangles their fingers together, lets them lock together like perfect puzzle pieces). “You might not have said anything to force me, but your eyes did! It’s literally impossible to say no to you. It’s like saying no to a helpless puppy.”

Breathing out a laugh and stealing a glance at the god, her eyes are peacefully closed. (Her thumb mindlessly runs against the expanse of Heejin’s pinky—it’s comforting and soft, everything Heejin needs).

“Good night, Hyunjin.”

(A part of Heejin knows this fact—like a glimmering light that guides her way through darkness—and it wants to earnestly confess, “You’re more than I could ever deserve.”)

Waking up in the morning to the wafting smell of breakfast and checking her phone for any notifications, the texts she finds there breaks the innocent bliss of a new day. 

**_Jiuwu :3_ ** _you said to update you if anything happens! we sorted the problem out and everything is okay＾▽＾_

**_Jiuwu :3_ ** _how did it go with hyunjin????_

**_Jiuwu :3_ ** _im gonna have a talk with her if she isn’t your girlfriend yet (ง •̀_•́)ง i have a third-degree black belt in taekwondo i can totally take her down_

(Could Jiwoo really be that oblivious to her feelings? As sweet as she is for caring about how it went with Hyunjin, there is still a twinge of hurt and betrayal at the memory of her leaving during her performance and it dwells like a dull knife digging in when Heejin reminds herself that Jiwoo could never love her the way she ached for. Finding it difficult to accept the universe’s fate, it is the faintest bit of denial veiling the discomfort of truth).

**_Heejinnie (⁎˃ᆺ˂)_ ** _im glad you two are okay!_

**_Heejinnie (⁎˃ᆺ˂)_ ** _and you can put your fists down jiwoo. she said yes :D_

Heejin wonders for how long she should play along—pretend that she is falling in love with Hyunjin, being the girlfriend that she wants to be for Jiwoo with Hyunjin. How long could she fool herself into thinking that maybe she could change the tides?

Getting out of bed and slipping her glasses on, the sight of Hyunjin cooking breakfast in her yellow apron feels familiar and natural, like should the sun rise every morning, Hyunjin will be there too to greet her. 

With Hyunjin around, Heejin doesn’t feel as lonely. Not as empty. 

Sitting at her table after greeting the other girl, Hyunjin slides a plate of avocado toast and eggs her way, knows that this specific meal would give her the greatest comfort after a rough night. Heejin’s eyes light up at the sight of it, a ghost of a smile on her lips. 

“My favorite!”

Hyunjin just sits back, a proud look on her face, because, of course, she knows it’s her favorite. “How’re you feeling?”

Heejin frowns the slightest bit. (Hyunjin thinks she looks a bit like a sad wounded puppy). “I don’t know how to put it. I’m sad and hurt and I feel embarrassed when I think about last night and then I get so hopeless when I think about Jiwoo but at the same time, I can’t give up the idea of her.”

Hyunjin hums after attentively listening, “So what do you want to do now? We can keep on pretending and keep going with our plan, see where it takes us, or stop it? I’m here to help you, Heej.”

Sighing, it’s as if a world’s weight of exhaustion sits on her shoulders, “I don’t want her to think anything is wrong or that I’m hurt. She’ll ask why and I don’t think I have it in me to lie about how I feel for her. Not when I’ve been holding it back for years.”

“You’ve never even tried? Confessing to her?”

Heejin groans in exasperation and she closes her eyes in frustration, “I’ve tried. So many times. But things get in the way or fear gets the best of me. There have been one too many times that I’ve had my feelings at the tip of my tongue only for a bird to startle me into hiding or some other distraction coming along to interrupt. And then I get too scared to continue.”

(It’s like the universe was doing everything possible to tell Heejin that Jiwoo was just not meant for her).

Putting a comforting hand on Heejin’s, Heejin can’t help but to question the other girl’s behavior, “Why are you being so nice? Everything keeps falling apart and I keep being a mess.”

Holding a gentle gaze, Hyunjin softly pinches Heejin’s cheeks, “I know you. I know what you need from me. Playing around with you isn’t fun when you’re feeling horrible.”

Smiling gratefully, Heejin knows this. 

She’s not ready for Hyunjin to leave, not when she’s been her rock for the last month or so. And if Heejin gives up on Jiwoo, Hyunjin will leave because there would be nothing left for her to do. 

“I want to keep pretending. I want to show Jiwoo that I can be someone worth loving.”

Before shoveling a bite of Heejin’s food in her mouth, Hyunjin mumbles underneath her breath but Heejin hears it anyway, “You already are, there’s nothing you need to show.”

(Heejin’s heart might have skipped a beat. She wouldn’t admit it to herself though).

(There’s something so comforting and wonderful about Hyunjin past her playful personality, something sweet and wholesome that alleviates the aching Heejin carries in her heart).

Squishing her cheeks and laughing at how Heejin resembles a fish, Hyunjin airily replies with a playful wink, “Alright, girlfriend, let's keep pretending.”

~.~.~

Sitting at a restaurant across from Jiwoo and Jungeun, Heejin doesn’t think twice about lacing her fingers with Hyunjin’s on top of the table. (They’ve been holding hands a lot ever since the night of Heejin’s performance. Seeking that silent comfort that Hyunjin provided, Heejin finds herself searching for her hands as they walk alone in the city after a day of work or going out).

“I really am sorry we couldn’t stay for the rest of the performance, Heejinnie. You sounded beautiful. And your lyrics were so sweet and romantic, Hyunjin is so lucky to have you.”

(There is something so profoundly ironic in what Jiwoo says because without even knowing, Heejin had been hers for years. It’s terrifying how quickly Jiwoo could patch up and cover the pain Heejin felt that night, how quickly she makes Heejin forget how much it hurt). 

Blushing at her compliment, Heejin tucks the stray hair that falls behind her ear, “Thank you. I was nervous because honesty can be scary but Hyunjin caught me.”

(As Heejin looked over, her heart was comforted to find Hyunjin already looking, her eyes soft and encouraging. And really, even if the song was meant and sung for Jiwoo, Hyunjin had taken care of her that night and comforted her through her breakdown and insecurity).

Throwing the balled-up straw wrapper at her she was playing with in her hand, Hyunjin laughs, “You’re so cheesy. Why do I even like you?”

Heejin just leans her head against Hyunjin’s, “You like that about me; you don’t have to lie.”

Hyunjin just shrugs her off with a teasing groan, “Shut up, no, I do not.”

Smiling, watching the two playing, Jiwoo tangles her fingers with Jungeun’s in excitement, “What _do_ you like about our Heejinnie then?”

Raising an eyebrow, the smirk Hyunjin wears fades into a small fond smile. 

“She’s patient. She plays along with me and gives me good reactions. I don’t have to doubt anything when it comes to her.”

Despite the briefness, Heejin can’t help but to feel a certain affection in how Hyunjin talks—thinks that Hyunjin doesn’t have to say much to sing her praises because she knows all the right words to tell.

Jiwoo coos at the sweetness of it all and nudges Jungeun’s shoulder, “Why don’t you say things like that about me?” Jungeun whines before shyly hiding in her hands. 

“I tell you what I feel all the time! What are you talking about?” 

Jiwoo laughs and kisses her cheeks. 

(A part of Heejin wishes it were her, yet, a greater part revels in seeing Jiwoo’s happiness without a single trace of jealousy tainting her heart).

~

Without even noticing, Hyunjin becomes embedded in Heejin’s routine. 

She’ll wake up in the morning and sometimes Hyunjin is still in bed sleeping or playing games on her phone, other times she’ll be in the kitchen cooking or watching television on her couch. Then on weekdays, she’ll head to work with the lunch Hyunjin made for her, a note hidden under napkins like always, and after finishing up, Hyunjin will be outside of her building to walk with her to the subway station, that is if she wasn’t already by her desk playing around with various things. Getting home and after changing out of her uncomfortable work clothes, she’ll cook while Hyunjin supervises for any mishaps (it’s almost impossible how much Heejin has improved in cooking since Hyunjin came). They’ll laze around in her living room and Hyunjin will just make herself at home while Heejin does the rest of her night routine. 

Heejin only comes to realize just how much she has begun to share her life with Hyunjin when the god tells her she cannot stay the night—something about celestial business she has to take care of. Staring at her ceiling, Heejin’s hands search for a body that is not there, her mind wishing for the person who’d ask about her day and listen to whatever she’d have to ramble about. 

So much about her home resembles Hyunjin: the guitar she has in her room, the Kiss the Chef apron that now hangs in her kitchen, the coat hanger that holds one of Hyunjin’s hoodies, one of Heejin’s fluffier pillows because Hyunjin liked it the most out of her other ones, even the apples in her fridge. And the cat plushie. That is a new addition thanks to their outing they had last Sunday. Heejin had noticed Hyunjin becoming restless and wanted to give her some kind of reprieve.

_While cooking dinner with Hyunjin perched on her countertop, Heejin stirs around the food in the pan, “As much as I love marathoning dramas, I wanna do something different on Sunday.”_

_Perking up at the sound of something new, Hyunjin juggles the apples in her hands, “What do you have in mind?”_

_“There’s a huge arcade downtown. I’ve only been once with Jiwoo and Jungeun, but I remember it being really fun.”_

_“Are you inviting them too?”_

_Shaking the pan around and resting her other hand on her hip, Heejin replies, “Nah. Just the two of us. No thinking about Jiwoo or our plan, just having fun and forgetting about everything else.”_

_Pleased with the arrangement, Hyunjin can’t help but to revel in the steady course of happiness running through her. (There’s something about Heejin that Hyunjin liked about her. She made her feel a little bit more human in the best way possible, like her existence meant more than just playing matchmaker. It’s different, refreshing in the most needed way)._

_Come Sunday, Hyunjin is bouncing with excitement, her eyes shining brighter than usual. Heading to the arcade, Hyunjin almost has to drag Heejin along when she sees the establishment down the street._

_It’s no surprise that once they buy game credits, the basketball game is the first one Hyunjin wants to try. Without so much as breaking a sweat, she breaks the high score flashing on the screen on her first try with ease. Heejin, on the other hand, struggles to even get past ten, despite all of Hyunjin’s tips and pointers and her own arms around hers to position her correctly as she shoots. Accepting her failure, Heejin just pouts while Hyunjin laughs at her misfortune before leading her to the next game. Punching the little bag with more power than Hyunjin looks like she could have in her body, she playfully kisses her biceps when she sets a new high score for the night. (When Heejin pushes her away in teasing disgust, Hyunjin just laughs even harder—it makes the happiness inside Heejin’s chest bubble and burst like dancing confetti and glitter floating away)._

_Like it always is when she’s with Hyunjin, it’s fun and lighthearted, vibrant with joy. Without needing to try, Jiwoo is a distant problem, her mind occupied with images of Hyunjin’s happy grin and crescent-moon-eyed smile. After winning a plush cat from one of the claw games lining the walls of the arcade, Hyunjin is a glorious vision of confidence and pride as she holds it happily in her arms. Despite complaining when Heejin steals it away from her, she doesn’t put up much of a fight for it back on their way home._

_Settled in at her living room in their pajamas, Hyunjin sits on Heejin’s couch, plush cat in her arms as Heejin fiddles with her bluetooth karaoke mic beside her. Leaning against her and comfortably lying against her chest, Hyunjin watches as Heejin queues up songs to sing to._

_It’s the first night where Heejin falls asleep dreaming of long black hair and twinkling playful eyes, the flashes of a silhouette shaped like Jiwoo unseen._

_(But Heejin has never been good at remembering her dreams)._

Since when did Heejin begin to need Hyunjin, she’ll never know. For so long, she has lived her life without her as blissfully as she could. But living beside her now, Heejin doesn’t know if she wants to let go, likes being close to her because wherever Hyunjin is, that means happiness is there too. (And like all other human desires, happiness is a craving to be chased, even if happiness is meant to be made, not found).

She never counted on falling for Hyunjin. Who could? In every single way possible, falling for Cupid would seem ridiculous to anyone listening because, God, it’s not like Hyunjin was meant to exist in her lifetime, certainly not as a deity to help her out of a love crisis. But, she does. Cupid or not, Hyunjin is so inexplicably _Hyunjin_ that not falling for her became impossible. There is something lovable in her light spirited way of living, her penchant for goofing around in the oddest of ways, her silent way of caring, and the compassion she carries in her heart as she provided safety and comfort without preamble or asking for anything in return. 

In the days and nights that Hyunjin has shared with her, they tell her that loving and moving on with life is eventual—that the love she had for Jiwoo was genuine and true, yet, temporary in its romance and passion. Clinging onto what used to be pretending, at least for Heejin, everything feels natural now—like it’s just _right_ that there is a Heejin and Hyunjin together to experience life. The way Hyunjin carries herself as her girlfriend isn’t much different to how they are when they are alone. Sure, she’s a little more affectionate whenever Jiwoo is there, but Hyunjin also likes to absentmindedly play with her fingers whenever she’s bored and doesn’t flinch away when Heejin cuddles into her back as they sleep. Even when she kissed her once during one of the double dates Jiwoo likes to have, spontaneously and mindlessly, Hyunjin had only blinked once before kissing her again, softly and sweetly. 

_Hanging out at Heejin’s place with a few empty bottles of soju at her living room table, everyone is happily drunk, not enough to feel sick or not remember the night, just enough for the stress of the week to fade._

_Comfortably cuddling into Jungeun’s side after singing their hearts out to Ailee’s “I Will Show You,” Heejin takes the karaoke mic with exaggerated flair and points dramatically at Hyunjin, “This one’s for you, baby!”_

_Hyunjin just laughs, the one where she has to clap because her overwhelming joy has to be expelled somehow._

_Heejin’s execution might not have been perfect, hell, she ended up breaking out into laughter during the second verse, but Hyunjin was looking at her like she was the greatest thing to exist and it made her feel special—loved. After the song, Heejin doesn’t know what compels her to or what part of her brain agreed with her body to take Hyunjin by the lapels of her flannel to press a clumsy kiss against her lips before she sits back down._

_Aware of the hands that rested gingerly on her hips when she pulled her closer, it’s Hyunjin’s soft lips and the faint whistle of air that makes every thought in her mind disappear into nothing, like nothing mattered but Hyunjin and her lips pressing against her own. It makes her heart stop in her chest, the thundering pounds silent when Hyunjin kisses her again before mumbling against her lips, “You were amazing, Heejin.”_

_(To Heejin, it’s like Hyunjin says her name like it’s precious and uniquely hers, like there aren’t any other Heejin’s in the universe that are worthy of her name)._

_It makes her heart burst when Hyunjin caresses her cheeks in the darkness of her room as they mull about their day in bed, how she can feel the upturn of her lips when Heejin kisses her cheeks before falling asleep._

Spending her nights wondering for how long she could keep Hyunjin in her grasp before the universe determines that she should leave and go about her life—her job—Heejin doesn’t want to think about the day that Hyunjin eventually moves on. Like a divine gift coming to awaken her from her lovestruck haze (only to pull her into another), Heejin wonders if Hyunjin was meant to tease her on what she’ll never have, a love that she could touch and feel but never have to call hers.

But, Heejin is content to just love. Because loving is better than not at all. Because loving Hyunjin comes without regret.

~

In one of her pull-out drawers in her desk at work, Heejin stuffs a scratch piece of paper in it when Hyunjin suddenly appears. Silently putting an iced Americano on her coaster, Hyunjin sits on her table. Checking her watch, Heejin is relieved to see her workday ending in thirty minutes. Working out the cricks in her neck and stretching out her back, Heejin sees Hyunjin imitating the moves of aerobic coaches with exaggerated movements in the corner of her eyes. Catching Hyunjin’s eyes looking to humor her, Heejin does her best to muffle her laughter in her hands. Hyunjin laughs freely and loudly, squishes Heejin’s cheeks like she always does. (Falling together and living in harmonious tandem rhythm with Hyunjin, Heejin can’t help but to feel like they’re meant to be).

Before leaving, Heejin stuffs that spare piece of paper in her coat. While Hyunjin cooks in the kitchen, Heejin quickly jots what was written there in her notebook before throwing the note out. Closing her notebook, five words stand out and echo through her mind for the rest of the night.

_I’m in love with you_.

Finding time whenever she can to compose a song without Hyunjin’s presence with her, it doesn’t take her very long to piece together chords and a strumming pattern to accompany her lyrics.

Sitting Hyunjin down one Sunday evening after eating the dinner they had made together, Heejin wears her guitar, nervous but comforted when she meets Hyunjin’s eyes. (Hyunjin has always been so instrumental in calming the scared pitter-patter of her heart).

“I wanna play you something.”

Hyunjin grabs the cat plushie on her couch, holds it tightly in her arms, and sits patiently as Heejin double checks the tuning of her guitar.

Singing the lyrics that Heejin wrote with her heart bleeding in her hand, Heejin feels the earth come to a still, as if it stopped its spinning just to listen to her sing the words her heart feels, or at least, that’s what Hyunjin’s attentive gaze felt like. Like should she stop playing, the world would end—and if it did, it wouldn’t even matter because at least she loved Hyunjin. 

Knowing that love could be messy and destructive in its torpedoing path, Heejin also knows that there is a beauty in loving, in trusting someone so much that it feels blind—like free falling off a cliff and trusting that love will be there to catch you. (That Hyunjin will be there to catch her).

_All the things yet to come are the things that have passed_

_Like the holding of hands, like the breaking of glass_

_Like the bonfire that burns, that all words in the fight fell to_

_Wasteland, baby_

_I'm in love, I'm in love with you_

_And I love too, that love soon might end_

_Be known in its aching_

_Shown in the shaking_

_Lately of my wasteland, baby_

_Be still, my indelible friend, you are unbreaking_

Letting the last note ring out and feeling incredibly vulnerable in Hyunjin’s soft stare, Hyunjin lets out the breath she’s been holding, feeling astonished in her seat. “Jiwoo is a lucky girl. That song is, breathtaking.”

Shaking her head and taking her guitar off, Heejin joins Hyunjin on her couch and reaches for her hands, feels adrenaline pumping through her veins like it rushes to even the tips of the fingers that are tangled with Hyunjin’s. With her heart’s pounding resonating through her body, Heejin confesses with a sure voice—stutter she might, but in trust she does not waver. “That- it wasn’t for her. I don’t- It’s you. I’m in love with you, Hyunjin.”

It’s the first time Heejin sees shock blooming behind the girl’s eyes like spilled paint that stains. It’s the first time that Hyunjin pulls her hand away from hers, as if being burnt by fire. Standing now and creating distance between her, Heejin can’t help to follow like a magnet aimlessly searching for its pair.

“I’m sorry if I’ve led you on, Heejin. I would’ve stopped everything if I knew it would lead to this. You’re not supposed to fall in love with me. I’m Cupid. I get people to fall in love with each other. Not with me.”

Feeling the world starting to slip away from her, Heejin’s knees begin to tremble beneath her. She can only look at Hyunjin and hope that her eyes could come close to showing what she felt for the other girl.

(And they did. Behind the longing gaze and hints of grief fluttering across them, there’s a certain fondness and helpless adoration. Hyunjin knows what love looks like, knows exactly what the other girl feels because, gods, she’s Cupid. She knows love better than the back of her hand—she should have paid more attention to Heejin, shouldn’t have ignored all the signs shouting at her).

Reaching a hand out and pulling it back when Hyunjin flinches away, Heejin feels her heart breaking in her chest.

“But you did—I fell for you. I wake up and you’re the first thought in my mind; I go to bed and you’re the last thing I remember before sleeping. I open my fridge and the apples in there remind me of you. I wake up to the sound of jackhammers and all I can hear is the sound of your voice waking me up. I play the guitar and all I can think about is you. I cherish every minute you’re here with me and crave for you every minute we’re apart. I don’t care for Jiwoo in that way anymore because all I want is you.”

(Heejin can’t help but to feel that with each word she professed, the chasm between her and Hyunjin grew, like the earth supporting them was crumbling and crashing away—a stern reminder that Hyunjin is not meant for her). 

Shaking her head vehemently, Hyunjin begins to create a greater distance between them, “I watch over lovers. I don’t fall in love with people. I can’t. It’s a curse I have to live with for the rest of my life. And I was fine with it because I only ever loved Psyche. I never counted on meeting you or you falling in love with me, Heejin. And that has to end now.”

Heejin’s heart seems to freeze in her chest, like should it beat a thump more, Hyunjin would just vanish right in front of her. (That doesn’t mean it ceases to pound. Her heart still crashes against the chambers of ribs the way thunder and lightning rumble and strike across a dark sky).

“What do you- what are you saying?”

The tears that fall from Heejin’s eyes streak like never-ending falls, her voice cracks from the fear eating at her stomach, the pain roughly stitching its way through her heart. Every step she takes towards Hyunjin, the deity only takes steps back.

Every step back is just another suture scarring her heart.

(Hyunjin hates being the one to make Heejin cry; she would rather watch the world end than watch Heejin cry). Fighting the temptation to pull the girl close and safely in her arms and wipe the tears on her cheeks away, Hyunjin knows it’d only be heartless of her to give in to her selfishness.

“You don’t deserve heartbreak, Heejin. You deserve to make your own happiness away from me. I’m not worthy of your sadness or love. You need to move on from me. Forever.”

“What do you-”

“There’s a reason why I stopped shooting my arrows so easily. These things last forever. I’ve made too many mistakes trusting people that fall out of love and I’m left with the guilt of watching people I’ve struck with my own arrows suffering from unanswered love. I promised myself I’d never rush it anymore, never shoot my arrows without knowing that forever is true.”

Hyunjin scoffs to herself before a golden quiver appears behind her, an intricately carved bow held in her hand. Reaching for an arrow, Hyunjin makes sure its head doesn’t gleam gold in the light. “And with humans, nothing is permanent. Love is nothing but a motivation for intimacy and attachment—fickle and temporary. It’s not just passion and reverence. It’s flawed and full of regret. Forever is an illusion.”

Hating how she can see how Heejin seems to crumble further, her eyes fleeting between the god and the lead arrow, Hyunjin ignores how her heart climbs up her throat, doing its best to shut her up, “I haven’t shot my arrows in centuries, Heejin. I don’t get people to fall in love anymore; I help them fall in love.”

Ignoring how Heejin starts to sob a heart wrenching cry, how she steps closer because she’d never want to let go of loving someone like Hyunjin, and how she starts to plead with her desperate eyes as if they were the only things she could use to claw at the fabric of reality unraveling into unrecoverable shards around her, Hyunjin closes her eyes and wills herself to do something everything inside of her is protesting against. Notching the arrow, pulling back, and aiming, Hyunjin feels the tears building under her eyelids. 

(It’s the first time Hyunjin learns that heartbreak sounds like the vulnerable trembling voice of the girl in front of her. Heartbreak sounds like Heejin begging, “Please, don’t shoot. I love you and loving you is not a mistake,” with glassy, broken eyes and quivering sad lips refusing to say “goodbye”).

Hyunjin hates how the lead head of the arrow notched in her bow mocks her, as if it were happy to see the ravaging turmoil unfolding in front of her.

If Hyunjin could love someone, she knows it’d be the person in front of her because everything about Heejin is worthy of love—her stubbornness and obliviousness, her penchant for affection and infinite patience, her willingness to trust and love. Hyunjin has seen many years pass by her—and by the gods, there are too many that time just feels like an infinite blur at this point—and Hyunjin knows that she’ll never encounter a magnetic force of a woman that is like Heejin again.

Forcing herself to look into Heejin’s eyes because it was the least she deserved from her, it’s as if Hyunjin can feel the jagged edges of Heejin’s heart piercing her chest through the despondent look dripping from her eyes like hot tar tainting the softness of her cheeks—cheeks that Hyunjin has wiped sad tears from, caressed in the silence of the night because it would ease the furrow in her eyebrows as she fitfully slept. 

(Being Cupid has never felt so cruel. 

Hyunjin might not have fallen in love with Heejin, can’t even remember what it feels like to be in love with someone else, but still, she feels her heart thrash and ache in her chest.

There is a devastation wreaking havoc in Heejin’s eyes, a devastation that the heart inside her wishes to heal and soothe).

“Even if it’s been centuries, I won’t miss. You’re perfectly lovable and absolutely deserving of making happiness on your own—you never needed me to help you.”

Forcing a smile and hoping that the last image Heejin has of her isn’t of heartbreak but rather of fond contentedness (because if anything, Hyunjin is infinitely fond of Heejin), the deity can’t remember the last time it’s been so hard to wear a smile, “It’s been a pleasure knowing you, Jeon Heejin.” 

Making herself invisible to the girl, the pain that radiates like vicious waves through her body gnaws at her heart—thinks that maybe piercing herself with a lead arrow might get rid of the heartbreak pumping through her veins. 

(If Hyunjin wasn’t in love, she isn’t sure if she knew what love felt like anymore. Because surely, if love isn't just a motive for making a home out of someone’s heart, love is the rush of chemicals: serotonin and dopamine and oxytocin. It’s attraction and attachment.

And Hyunjin knows this more than anything, she doesn’t want to leave Heejin’s side, wants to lay in bed with her and listen to her ramble about her day, wake up and make breakfast for her because Heejin’s eyes would light up at the sight of her in her cheesy Kiss the Chef apron. 

Living beside Heejin and sharing her life with her made her happy.

But Cupid isn’t supposed to fall in love.

Hyunjin isn’t supposed to fall in love).

Letting go and shooting the other girl with perfect aim through the heart, Hyunjin watches the light in Heejin’s eyes fade. (Some part of her wishes she missed). Her sadness melts away, as does the adoration and fondness in them. Any affection Heejin had for her disappears into nothingness. 

As if she never knew her.

As if she never loved her.

(If what she feels is not love, Hyunjin thinks she might’ve invented something like it because her heart sings Heejin’s name, loves how it echoes against her ribs to remind her of how wonderful it was to be beside a girl like Heejin. If it weren’t for the toughness of her bones worn from the ticking of time, she’d feel how the echoes slam against her ribs, just how much it devastates her to know that Heejin’s heart will never sing her name back—or maybe it’s how Hyunjin chooses to ignore the never-ending song of Heejin’s name).

Leaving and finding herself nowhere in particular, Hyunjin remembers her greatest friend.

Loneliness wraps an arm around her shoulder and walks with her.

(Her heart still sings Heejin’s name).

~

Heejin wakes to the sound of jackhammers in the morning (and berates herself for forgetting to close her windows before sleeping), makes her own avocado toast and eggs in a haze, and absentmindedly plays with the yellow straps of a Kiss the Chef apron as she finishes an apple before getting ready for work.

Before leaving and freezing at the apron as it finally catches her eyes in full focus, Heejin stares at it in confusion. 

When did she get that bright yellow apron?

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> like always, thank you for reading! i really really appreciate any feedback or reactions to my writing; it gives me so much motivation. in fact, i was scrolling through my cc and got motivated to write again. all of your nice words feel like the greatest serotonin boost :D
> 
> reach me on twitter and cc @kminjyus if you'd like!!


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